The tamasha of my life!

When we were watching the movie Tamasha, amidst a bored and disengaged audience I think I was the only one who was completely engrossed in Ved's story. The movie is about Ved, the protagonist who is bundled in a set routine and a fixed life with no space for spontaneity or following dreams. While the Ved, Tara (female lead) met 4 years ago was so not like the present Ved. The struggles Ved goes through to be that 4 years back Ved is what the movie is about.

Image Via Hindustan Times

The movie may not be Imtiaz Ali's best of works, but the message it portrays and delivers is powerful.

The story touched a chord in me as I could so identify with Ved. Throughout my school life, I have been this serious geek girl who did not play sports or did any fun activities. I was bananas about my studies (humor intended) and that is what I did. I was shy and kept to myself. This was not due to any social pressure or parental nagging, it was just the way I was! Or the way I thought I was! Slowly this shy and silent self became my identity and I got wrapped in this personality stamped as studious forever.

I remember a time during our school picnic when some fun loving girls were dancing in the bus while returning from our picnic spot back to the school. And in the spur of the moment, I too stood up and started dancing which was so not me. I enjoyed it. But my enjoyment was short lived as the next day one of the guys in my class came and asked me what was wrong with me? Why did I have to dance like that with those girls in the bus. Why this did not suit me at all! It was when I realised I have been trapped in this personality forever. At that moment I knew I will be always like this and will have to live with it.

Since then I stuck to my serious personality with a fear of what people will think and say if I do what I really wanted to do. I wanted to do journalism but instead I went for the classic Microbiology realizing soon that it was not my cup of tea. I did not take up journalism as I was told that I am not cut out for it and should instead go in Research. After graduation, I had to shift gears as Research was not what I envisaged myself doing. I finally jumped into the MBA bandwagon and completed my MBA in HR, still being the Pradnya who took grades very very seriously. 

I worked 5 years in corporate doing my work diligently and always being on my toes and bouncing new ideas. I received accolades from my seniors and I thought it was natural and the only way to move on with my life. I still was the Pradnya who took my job very seriously and always kept on thinking what my colleagues think about me, are my seniors happy with my work, am I doing enough at my workplace? 

And then life changed upside down. I left all that back and came to US. I think coming to US on a dependant visa has been a turning point in my life. I started writing and I think it is then that I started loosening up in real sense. I have an extremely liberal and supportive husband and that made the whole difference. Post marriage itself I had started to unwind a little but it was never extreme. As I started writing again, I felt a sense of elation and euphoria. Finally I was doing what I really loved! It slowly started unblocking my apprehensions and letting each strand of my hair down. It gradually liberated me and I started breaking out of my mould and reinventing myself or rather being my real self.

A girl who would seek everybody's approval at one time, today does not care for anyone's approval as long as she knows what she is doing is right. A girl who wore what society prescribed, wears quite 'unapproved' wardrobe today without thinking twice of what will people say.  A girl who kept to herself, goes out today and boosts others' morale. A girl who had a set routine all day long, does impromptu crazy (ok, not so very crazy) things today. A girl who never smiled from the heart, laughs like a crazy woman today!

2 years ago when I had come to India for my sister's marriage, I was here for 2 months and I met only 3 close friends of mine in those 2 months. That's it! Today when I am in India, my writing has taken me to places and made me meet new people. In a span of 15 days, I met many friends - some old and some new! The change is noticed by everyone at home and outside. My parents are awestruck with this new Pradnya and my in laws think I have been reincarnated ;) They love the new bubbly always smiling me :)

Did I always wanted to be this Pradnya? Deep inside, maybe yes! Would I have been this Pradnya if I had not come to US? May be not. Am I happy being this new Pradnya? Oh hell, YES YES YES!!!

For all those who are still in their forced avatar self, let your hair loose once and see what magic happens. I know following our passion can be difficult and we have financial and family responsibilities, but at least once try to pursue what you love! Do it part time, do it as a hobby or if it is possible make it your livelihood. 

There is nothing in this world which is as satisfying as doing what you love!

Ved and me are following our passions, he happy with his tamasha and me happy with my words! Are you following yours???

15 Minutes in a Mumbai Local

Last week my boss and me were in Mumbai to tick off a few important tasks from our agenda. When we did our booking, my boss made absolutely sure that her America returned colleague does not have to travel via the over crowded Mumbai local. But alas! Destiny had some other plans for us and all the meticulous planning by my boss went for a toss as we entered Mumbai!

We were supposed to reach Dadar station at 10.55 am and as the station was nearing we asked one of the fellow travellers whether the next station was Dadar and he very authoritatively said yes. We got down at the Dadar station and were waiting patiently on platform 6 for one of our friends who was supposed to pick us up. We waited and then called him. The conversation between my boss and the friend was something like this -

My boss: D, where are you?
D: At platform 6, the station master says the train is running late.
My boss: We have reached Dadar. Stop joking around and come and pick us up.
D: Arey baba, seriously train nahi dikh rahi yaha. (I cannot see the train here)
My boss: Which direction is the train track from where you are standing right now?
D: Right
My boss: Then you are at the right side. Platform no.?
D: 6
My boss: Can you see an indicator on top? We are below that indicator.
D (thinking to himself, what on earth is she talking about?): What indicator?
My boss (started cursing): ****,*****,****
Me: Shweta, we have got down at Thane!!

Ha ha ha! That was it! We told our friend that we will take the next local and come to Dadar now from Thane station.

Image Via Indian Express

My face goes crimson red, no not due to anger but because of anxiety. My palms start sweating. Traveling in a local! I start thinking of various reasons to avoid it. I tell my boss, Shweta that I will go back to Pune. She thinks I am kidding.

She gives me the first lesson of Mumbai local travel - get your laptop sack in front so that people don't pull/push you with your sack at the back. I think she is joking but then realise she is serious as she takes her sack in front. I still don't do it thinking it to be funny.

The local arrives. Looking at the mad crowd, I tell Shweta let us take the next local. She pulls me in front of her and as numerous women board the ladies compartment I am automatically forced into the local. We have to get down after 3 stations and standing in that crowded local with luggage starts becoming a nightmare. Women are pushing and making way as the stations arrive. I am being swinged between poles. At one point I think of pushing everyone out of my way but cannot. I stand there amidst these Mumbaikars wishing Dadar comes soon enough.

I look at people around me. Pregnant women also travel in these locals, I feel embarrassed about my self. They can travel in her and I am making such a big fuss. I see college going girls very handily speaking in their headphones with their friends standing as if they are strolling in a garden and talking. I see women discussing office gossip. I hear women discussing home problems. I feel the pulse in the local of Mumbaikars for whom this is just another day unlike me. And then I realize, how a local binds all of them together where many of them spend a considerable amount of time in here traveling.

As Dadar arrives, I am pushed out with force easily with the women heading out in full speed to their respective destinations starting their just another day in Mumbai. While I thank God for letting me survive this ordeal and feel jubilant as we see our friend finally on platform 6 of Dadar station!

They tell me it was off hour and hence the local wasn't crowded! I smile to myself thinking where would  I have been in a rush hour local!

Salute to all Mumbaikars and their spirit for making each day count and making me realize in awe how each Mumbaikar repeats it every single day!

Week Three of Old and New Friends

Week three of my India trip has been a blend of meeting old and new friends! 

This week I decided to spend some more time with my parents and hence kept my outside meetings to a minimum. And yet, I met so may people!

I first met Amruta and her talkative daughter Avanee. Amruta and me were in the same school, but we never really spoke that much then or were close. Recently she gave me pat on the back on my 52 weeks of adventure stint and since then we have been chatting. I also took her advice on my tattoo and she was one of those who assured me that it doesn't pain. Thanks to that, I finally did my first tattoo.

Our talk during our meet was more centred to school days and how I wasted those days doing nothing but studying! How naive we were then and how different today's kids are! Avanee sat super awesome for the entire time, talking about her favorite movies and songs. She is a good kid with a fine taste in cinema, I must say! Here is to new bonds - 

My first pout ever!!!

The next meeting was with a fellow Toastmaster Yogiraj. Again, same school but no talk then. I started following Yogiraj's posts after seeing his TM photos. He is a Competent Communicator today and working on his next level. Can you believe - he has always won the Best Speaker award for all his speeches till now? That is a big feat and I respect him for that! He is even competing at the District level - International Speech Contest. My best wishes with him :)

Our talks mainly revolved around TM, some philosophy with choosing a word for the ear concept, blogging and his life when he is sailing (he is in the merchant navy). Unending stories unravel when one Toastmaster meets another Toastmaster!

All smiles!

The next meet is a special one! Meeting my MBA best buddy Devayani. We were three very close friends - Devayani, Rohini and me. It has been 10 years now and we are still very close. The best part of our friendship is each one of us has been a part of all the ups and downs in each others' life. We may be apart by distance, but we are close via our hearts. It may sound cliched, but it is true. Rohini is in Bangalore and we are waiting for her to fly down to Pune.

Meanwhile I met Devayani who is in Pune. It was my special request to her to get her daughter and oh my god.... Mukta is a junior Devayani with all the incessant talks. When Devayani used to talk with me, Mukta very innocently used to say, "Aai mala pan sang".....subtly hinting ti include her in the talks too. She is adorable and her sweet babble just made my day!

When we were leaving, Devayani asked Mukta to give me a flying kiss. She did that reluctantly. However after going a little ahead, she looked back blew the sweetest of kisses towards me. That image of hers will always be etched on my mind!

Friends Forever!

Working with Stylewhack is always exciting. Ever since I have come to India, we are grabbing every opportunity to sit and strategize. One of the things I am enjoying being here now is the events I get to attend due to Stylewhack. One such event was watching the Marathi play Don't Worry Be Happy and meeting the stupendous duo Spruha Joshi and Umesh Kamat. I loved sitting in the first row and watching this enthralling play. Tune in to Stylewhack to get a review of this play. 

The awesome duo!

I also met Shradha, my MBA friend. Again, we weren't close then but we bonded over Game of Thrones and have been having some common interests. I hogged on Pav Bhaji with her and in that food coma forgot to click a picture. It was nice chatting with her on all topics right from who is doing what after MBA. We spoke about our favorite books and my writing. It was so nice to catch up with her after 10 years!

This week was full of stories! I am in Mumbai now with Shweta and it is going to be one fundoo trip. We already have stories of our day 1 here. Wait for next week for some Mumbai diaries!

Week Two of Memory Collection

I am in second week of collecting memories. The week one was exhilarating! And week two had its own charm. Let's see what all I did this week.

The week started with meeting an old friend. 10 years ago we started our MBA together and here we are now, 2 very different people than what we were 10 years ago. Siddharth at that time was a completely gutsy fellow, not afraid to talk his mind and also to give a piece of his mind to people who needed it ;)

I met him this week and he is a transformed man. A doting father and an extremely mature human being. His rudeness has vanished and what I saw was a down to earth, calm and mature Siddharth. I hated his audacity in college, but today I think his audacity has rubbed off on me and I would not care a damn for anyone who is here to bring me down. I will not sit quiet if injustice is happening in front of me. I will not just sit and brood that things are this way and cannot be changed. I am a gutsy woman today!

This one is for Sid and his audacity :)

To our friendship!

I am waiting for our entire MBA gang to get together now, which will happen sometime in April when Rohini comes from Bangalore and we catch up.

In the course of my writing, I meet many new people sometimes via the internet and sometimes in person. Another such connection which I made through my friend Rohini is the super friendly couple Priyanka and Abhijeet. I have been doing some small writing assignments for Abhijeet and thought of meeting them during my current trip. The highlight of this meet was super yummy butter chicken and manchow soup! Ha! This happens when you come to India after 2 years, food does become a highlight of meetings! ;)

This was before the food came! Post food we were numb with foodgasm :)

I was meeting them for the first time. But I did not have the anxiety of being on my best behaviour or thinking how should I be in front of them. I think I have come a long way today where I do not have to pretend to impress anyone or be super conscious about what others perceive about me. To be frank, Abhijeet and Priyanka made me so comfortable that I forgot that I am meeting them for the first time :)

Having said that - I had an experience where I thought there were 11 judging pair of eyes on me and to be really honest, I was a little scared. Yes, this was the kitty party of my MIL's friends which took place at our home. I carried watermelon juice in a tray and served everyone, trying to gauge if those eyes out there were judging me or assessing me (I never had any groom seeing sessions, so you can understand how this felt!). But then I realized, these women are here just to get together and laugh their heart out with their friends. Slowly my anxiety dissipated and I was my normal self chatting with them.

I had baked a cake for one of the Aunty's birthday celebration. It was my first attempt at baking in a pressure cooker and I wasn't sure how good the cake will turn out. But everyone around liked the cake and that made me really happy. 

I baked that! :)

 What can I say of this group which filled the house with laughter and noise. Coming from US, it was a little difficult for me to digest so much of noise but I liked the energy and camaraderie flowing in the room. These women were pulling each other's legs, making fun of each other and the most important fact of all - 'enjoying life'. All of it made me believe - 'Age is just a number'. When they left, they left a part of their energy back with me.

The noisy gang!

So this was my super fun week two. I am at my mom's place now hogging on all kinds of fish. There can be no home as cozy as your mom's for sure. 

My week three has some exciting plans. Keep an eye for some good times coming next week :)

Coming Home :)

You know you will be home soon when you search the entire internet for a flight ticket which makes you reach Mumbai Airport at 2 pm, so that you can commute alone to Pune and yet your mom-dad, your in laws and your sister and brother in law ask till the very last moment if they can come to pick you up at the Mumbai airport! 'Welcome Home' rings in my mind :)

Finally we got our visa extended and booked our tickets to home just a day after the visa approval! Beat that! We were so desperate to be home! It has been a week now that I am home and I have done so much already :)

What hasn't changed is the overflowing love of my family around me. The day I landed, my in laws had a cake cutting for me. My sister and brother in law came in to wake me up from my sleep. My pug Bosky didn't leave me alone even for a minute. She kept on wagging her tail and was beside me all the time.

She doesn't leave me at all!!

I recently wrote a piece on leaving the nest syndrome where I mentioned how much I miss my home and how the place where I stay right now can never be my nest. And when I am home now, I realize how much I have missed being here amidst my near and dear ones. My spot on the sofa is untouched, my books are still there neatly stacked in the cupboard and 'my people' are here.

In a week I did so many things and met so many people. Apart from being with family, I finally met my boss with whom I have been talking almost everyday! We gave a tight hug for all the pending hugs till date and it never seemed as if we are meeting for the first time. We sat in a chic cafe on one of the happening streets in Pune and went on and on and on. It was such a constructive meet with some strategy discussion along with some completely off topic bad ass talk! A perfect blend of fun and work. It has been a week now and we talk like 2-3 times a day presently making my mom doubt my noble intentions ;)

The smiles say it all!

I also met my friends with whom I spent most of my childhood as we stayed in the same apartments long long back. With Facebook, it becomes so easy to connect with long lost friends and the same happened with us. Another of my friend was also visiting Pune from US and we thought we should catch up. We met after 16 entire years and on the surface it seemed so much had changed but deep within all of us still are those kids which we were long long back. It was great to hear to the respective love stories, marriage gossips and of course asking about whereabouts of the rest of the gang. I still cannot believe that we met after 16 years!!!

16 years and still the same!

I also had my first taste of fame as I attended a movie premiere of a regional movie for which Stylewhack was a media partner. It was a BIG day for us to see our logo on the big screen. I had a selfie rampage and kept on thinking, life has changed so much since the last time I visited from US. Here I am today, talking strategy, a part of a promising start up, big dreams in eyes and of course meeting new people and widening my horizons. Isn't this what life is all about? Dreaming and trying our level best to make the dreams come true?

Selfie, it is!

My post cannot be complete without the mention of food! Ha! Food has been exemplary. Do I have to even mention that? I have already had the famous vada pav and I have been craving for Indo Chinese which I hogged on last week. It is so good not to worry about what to cook for the day or tomorrow or day after or for 2 months now :P Making my best to eat everything on our 'to eat' list (we also have a 'to buy' and 'to do' list in India).

Scrumptious Vada pav

My days are numbered here and I am trying my level best to cramp up as many activities and meetings as possible in this duration. I am waiting for Sujoy now. It has been 4 years now that we haven't stayed together in Pune at a stretch of more than 2 weeks. I am excited to be with family along with him. Till then I am continuing my eating and meeting spree sans him, learning new things and exploring new places :)

All said and done, my favorite moment of this week is my sister's birthday celebrations where we took some rare pictures with the family.

And this is my most cherished moment -

I am here making each moment count and trying to gather every single memory and make it immortal in my mind and heart! :)

Stay tuned for my upcoming India adventures :)

Leaving the Nest Syndrome

All of us know about the 'empty nest syndrome' but don't we as kids go through the leaving the nest syndrome?

Image Credit

For a while I have been thinking about this and figured out we indeed suffer from leaving the nest syndrome. Especially me who spent 28 years of my life with my parents as from my birth till my MBA and then the job, all of it happened in Pune. I even dated a Pune guy with the hopes of being in Pune, but the plan was a little different for me it seems and I have been out ever since my marriage. First Chennai and now USA.

When I was in Chennai, I was exhilarated. My new found freedom away from my parents along with a promising career at a reputed MNC made me forget about the nest I left behind. My parents called me often but many a times I would hang up on them saying I need to rush to a meeting. The talks became lesser with confined mostly to weekends or sporadic when I had to get a recipe from my mom or enquire about a medicine name to my dad. Yes, I became so selfish in that one year of sudden freedom that I forgot about all the good times spent at that nest with my parents.

Things changed drastically when I came to the US. I was alone, no job and in a foreign country which was silent as hell and nobody, absolutely nobody to talk to. It was when I started talking with my parents and my in laws every single day without fail. The talks might be for 15-20 minutes but yes every single day I speak with them , a little longer with my MIL though!

I have become super busy again with the start up and yet I have maintained my every day call ritual with my loved ones. 

It has been 4 years that we are out, and I still consider my parents home as my nest and my real home. Sujoy and me have created a life for ourselves but we haven't been able to call where we stay right now 'our home'. I think home for me will be the cozy bedroom where I sleep, the balcony from where I used to talk with Sujoy before marriage, the study room where I used to sit for hours on the computer doing my MBA assignments or teaching Papa to use a computer, the kitchen which I entered only to have a sneak peek at the food which was cooking, the couch which would be my home when I used to read, the numerous books which fill one entire cupboard and the unlimited times I spent laughing in the hall with my mom, dad and sister. I think this home will be my home forever where I barge in and I do not have to think about what am I doing or what am I talking. A place where I don't have to worry if the doors are locked or wake up in the morning to open the door for the maid. The home where I can be me and say no to anything and everything. This will always be my home where I can let go my adult responsibilities and be a child again.

As we try to create a new world for us, our parents' place will always be where we will feel at home!

I may have a new life today away from my parents, but the nest which I left behind will always be my home! And I can't wait to be home again! :)

#ForgivingFridays - How long can I keep on forgiving and forgetting?

It has been a while since my last update on my forgiveness journey. The word which I have chosen for 2016 is Forgiveness and I am struggling with the word already.

As I walk on this path of forgiveness, many questions come in my mind. 

Image Credit

Saying sorry to someone has become easier. As I unfold the deep rooted questions and try to search answers, I am learning to understand the meaning of 'sorry'. What I have understood is 'sorry' is seeking forgiveness with keeping your ego aside and vowing to not repeat the same mistake. 

Last week, there was a situation where I snapped at someone. Ideally I should have been able to forgive all the wrongdoings the person has done till date and should have smiled, forgiven and said 'It is ok'. It is easier to forgive someone who does one mistake but what about those who keep on repeating the mistakes and don't even know that they have hurt you? In this situation, is forgiving those a wise move or it just speaks volumes about my foolishness? Why to let someone hurt you more by forgiving them and keeping them in your life? Isn't it easier to just cut them off our lives?

How much ever I try, some people just cannot come in my 'Forgiven List'. My mind keeps on making schemes to take revenge against them! So much for being the saint and trying to keep calm! I try and ponder each time that why do I have such intense and extreme hatred for certain people that forgiving them seems to be a distant dream. I try to tell my brain that let us get rid of all that frustration and hatred and instead try to be amicable, try to be a friend again. I even take 2 steps ahead in this direction, but then again the person does something again to piss me off and I call it quits! 

How long can I keep on forgiving and forgetting?