Friday, February 26, 2016

Leaving the Nest Syndrome

All of us know about the 'empty nest syndrome' but don't we as kids go through the leaving the nest syndrome?

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For a while I have been thinking about this and figured out we indeed suffer from leaving the nest syndrome. Especially me who spent 28 years of my life with my parents as from my birth till my MBA and then the job, all of it happened in Pune. I even dated a Pune guy with the hopes of being in Pune, but the plan was a little different for me it seems and I have been out ever since my marriage. First Chennai and now USA.

When I was in Chennai, I was exhilarated. My new found freedom away from my parents along with a promising career at a reputed MNC made me forget about the nest I left behind. My parents called me often but many a times I would hang up on them saying I need to rush to a meeting. The talks became lesser with confined mostly to weekends or sporadic when I had to get a recipe from my mom or enquire about a medicine name to my dad. Yes, I became so selfish in that one year of sudden freedom that I forgot about all the good times spent at that nest with my parents.

Things changed drastically when I came to the US. I was alone, no job and in a foreign country which was silent as hell and nobody, absolutely nobody to talk to. It was when I started talking with my parents and my in laws every single day without fail. The talks might be for 15-20 minutes but yes every single day I speak with them , a little longer with my MIL though!

I have become super busy again with the start up and yet I have maintained my every day call ritual with my loved ones. 

It has been 4 years that we are out, and I still consider my parents home as my nest and my real home. Sujoy and me have created a life for ourselves but we haven't been able to call where we stay right now 'our home'. I think home for me will be the cozy bedroom where I sleep, the balcony from where I used to talk with Sujoy before marriage, the study room where I used to sit for hours on the computer doing my MBA assignments or teaching Papa to use a computer, the kitchen which I entered only to have a sneak peek at the food which was cooking, the couch which would be my home when I used to read, the numerous books which fill one entire cupboard and the unlimited times I spent laughing in the hall with my mom, dad and sister. I think this home will be my home forever where I barge in and I do not have to think about what am I doing or what am I talking. A place where I don't have to worry if the doors are locked or wake up in the morning to open the door for the maid. The home where I can be me and say no to anything and everything. This will always be my home where I can let go my adult responsibilities and be a child again.

As we try to create a new world for us, our parents' place will always be where we will feel at home!

I may have a new life today away from my parents, but the nest which I left behind will always be my home! And I can't wait to be home again! :)

Friday, February 12, 2016

#ForgivingFridays - How long can I keep on forgiving and forgetting?

It has been a while since my last update on my forgiveness journey. The word which I have chosen for 2016 is Forgiveness and I am struggling with the word already.

As I walk on this path of forgiveness, many questions come in my mind. 

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Saying sorry to someone has become easier. As I unfold the deep rooted questions and try to search answers, I am learning to understand the meaning of 'sorry'. What I have understood is 'sorry' is seeking forgiveness with keeping your ego aside and vowing to not repeat the same mistake. 

Last week, there was a situation where I snapped at someone. Ideally I should have been able to forgive all the wrongdoings the person has done till date and should have smiled, forgiven and said 'It is ok'. It is easier to forgive someone who does one mistake but what about those who keep on repeating the mistakes and don't even know that they have hurt you? In this situation, is forgiving those a wise move or it just speaks volumes about my foolishness? Why to let someone hurt you more by forgiving them and keeping them in your life? Isn't it easier to just cut them off our lives?

How much ever I try, some people just cannot come in my 'Forgiven List'. My mind keeps on making schemes to take revenge against them! So much for being the saint and trying to keep calm! I try and ponder each time that why do I have such intense and extreme hatred for certain people that forgiving them seems to be a distant dream. I try to tell my brain that let us get rid of all that frustration and hatred and instead try to be amicable, try to be a friend again. I even take 2 steps ahead in this direction, but then again the person does something again to piss me off and I call it quits! 

How long can I keep on forgiving and forgetting?