Coming Home :)

You know you will be home soon when you search the entire internet for a flight ticket which makes you reach Mumbai Airport at 2 pm, so that you can commute alone to Pune and yet your mom-dad, your in laws and your sister and brother in law ask till the very last moment if they can come to pick you up at the Mumbai airport! 'Welcome Home' rings in my mind :)

Finally we got our visa extended and booked our tickets to home just a day after the visa approval! Beat that! We were so desperate to be home! It has been a week now that I am home and I have done so much already :)

What hasn't changed is the overflowing love of my family around me. The day I landed, my in laws had a cake cutting for me. My sister and brother in law came in to wake me up from my sleep. My pug Bosky didn't leave me alone even for a minute. She kept on wagging her tail and was beside me all the time.

She doesn't leave me at all!!

I recently wrote a piece on leaving the nest syndrome where I mentioned how much I miss my home and how the place where I stay right now can never be my nest. And when I am home now, I realize how much I have missed being here amidst my near and dear ones. My spot on the sofa is untouched, my books are still there neatly stacked in the cupboard and 'my people' are here.

In a week I did so many things and met so many people. Apart from being with family, I finally met my boss with whom I have been talking almost everyday! We gave a tight hug for all the pending hugs till date and it never seemed as if we are meeting for the first time. We sat in a chic cafe on one of the happening streets in Pune and went on and on and on. It was such a constructive meet with some strategy discussion along with some completely off topic bad ass talk! A perfect blend of fun and work. It has been a week now and we talk like 2-3 times a day presently making my mom doubt my noble intentions ;)

The smiles say it all!

I also met my friends with whom I spent most of my childhood as we stayed in the same apartments long long back. With Facebook, it becomes so easy to connect with long lost friends and the same happened with us. Another of my friend was also visiting Pune from US and we thought we should catch up. We met after 16 entire years and on the surface it seemed so much had changed but deep within all of us still are those kids which we were long long back. It was great to hear to the respective love stories, marriage gossips and of course asking about whereabouts of the rest of the gang. I still cannot believe that we met after 16 years!!!

16 years and still the same!

I also had my first taste of fame as I attended a movie premiere of a regional movie for which Stylewhack was a media partner. It was a BIG day for us to see our logo on the big screen. I had a selfie rampage and kept on thinking, life has changed so much since the last time I visited from US. Here I am today, talking strategy, a part of a promising start up, big dreams in eyes and of course meeting new people and widening my horizons. Isn't this what life is all about? Dreaming and trying our level best to make the dreams come true?

Selfie, it is!

My post cannot be complete without the mention of food! Ha! Food has been exemplary. Do I have to even mention that? I have already had the famous vada pav and I have been craving for Indo Chinese which I hogged on last week. It is so good not to worry about what to cook for the day or tomorrow or day after or for 2 months now :P Making my best to eat everything on our 'to eat' list (we also have a 'to buy' and 'to do' list in India).

Scrumptious Vada pav

My days are numbered here and I am trying my level best to cramp up as many activities and meetings as possible in this duration. I am waiting for Sujoy now. It has been 4 years now that we haven't stayed together in Pune at a stretch of more than 2 weeks. I am excited to be with family along with him. Till then I am continuing my eating and meeting spree sans him, learning new things and exploring new places :)

All said and done, my favorite moment of this week is my sister's birthday celebrations where we took some rare pictures with the family.

And this is my most cherished moment -

I am here making each moment count and trying to gather every single memory and make it immortal in my mind and heart! :)

Stay tuned for my upcoming India adventures :)

Leaving the Nest Syndrome

All of us know about the 'empty nest syndrome' but don't we as kids go through the leaving the nest syndrome?

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For a while I have been thinking about this and figured out we indeed suffer from leaving the nest syndrome. Especially me who spent 28 years of my life with my parents as from my birth till my MBA and then the job, all of it happened in Pune. I even dated a Pune guy with the hopes of being in Pune, but the plan was a little different for me it seems and I have been out ever since my marriage. First Chennai and now USA.

When I was in Chennai, I was exhilarated. My new found freedom away from my parents along with a promising career at a reputed MNC made me forget about the nest I left behind. My parents called me often but many a times I would hang up on them saying I need to rush to a meeting. The talks became lesser with confined mostly to weekends or sporadic when I had to get a recipe from my mom or enquire about a medicine name to my dad. Yes, I became so selfish in that one year of sudden freedom that I forgot about all the good times spent at that nest with my parents.

Things changed drastically when I came to the US. I was alone, no job and in a foreign country which was silent as hell and nobody, absolutely nobody to talk to. It was when I started talking with my parents and my in laws every single day without fail. The talks might be for 15-20 minutes but yes every single day I speak with them , a little longer with my MIL though!

I have become super busy again with the start up and yet I have maintained my every day call ritual with my loved ones. 

It has been 4 years that we are out, and I still consider my parents home as my nest and my real home. Sujoy and me have created a life for ourselves but we haven't been able to call where we stay right now 'our home'. I think home for me will be the cozy bedroom where I sleep, the balcony from where I used to talk with Sujoy before marriage, the study room where I used to sit for hours on the computer doing my MBA assignments or teaching Papa to use a computer, the kitchen which I entered only to have a sneak peek at the food which was cooking, the couch which would be my home when I used to read, the numerous books which fill one entire cupboard and the unlimited times I spent laughing in the hall with my mom, dad and sister. I think this home will be my home forever where I barge in and I do not have to think about what am I doing or what am I talking. A place where I don't have to worry if the doors are locked or wake up in the morning to open the door for the maid. The home where I can be me and say no to anything and everything. This will always be my home where I can let go my adult responsibilities and be a child again.

As we try to create a new world for us, our parents' place will always be where we will feel at home!

I may have a new life today away from my parents, but the nest which I left behind will always be my home! And I can't wait to be home again! :)

#ForgivingFridays - How long can I keep on forgiving and forgetting?

It has been a while since my last update on my forgiveness journey. The word which I have chosen for 2016 is Forgiveness and I am struggling with the word already.

As I walk on this path of forgiveness, many questions come in my mind. 

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Saying sorry to someone has become easier. As I unfold the deep rooted questions and try to search answers, I am learning to understand the meaning of 'sorry'. What I have understood is 'sorry' is seeking forgiveness with keeping your ego aside and vowing to not repeat the same mistake. 

Last week, there was a situation where I snapped at someone. Ideally I should have been able to forgive all the wrongdoings the person has done till date and should have smiled, forgiven and said 'It is ok'. It is easier to forgive someone who does one mistake but what about those who keep on repeating the mistakes and don't even know that they have hurt you? In this situation, is forgiving those a wise move or it just speaks volumes about my foolishness? Why to let someone hurt you more by forgiving them and keeping them in your life? Isn't it easier to just cut them off our lives?

How much ever I try, some people just cannot come in my 'Forgiven List'. My mind keeps on making schemes to take revenge against them! So much for being the saint and trying to keep calm! I try and ponder each time that why do I have such intense and extreme hatred for certain people that forgiving them seems to be a distant dream. I try to tell my brain that let us get rid of all that frustration and hatred and instead try to be amicable, try to be a friend again. I even take 2 steps ahead in this direction, but then again the person does something again to piss me off and I call it quits! 

How long can I keep on forgiving and forgetting?

A year in a start up!

A few days ago I was told that I completed a year at the start up Stylewhack and I just couldn't believe it! 

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It seemed just yesterday that I met the founder of the start up at a FB group who was looking for writers and I thought of approaching her for the opportunity. My life has changed dramatically since that message I dropped to this young lady! It is so cliched, right? Meeting even your new boss over the internet ;)

This young lady named Shweta liked my writing style and thus began my journey of being a professional writer for a real time website! I started small with a series called 'What makes me Happy' talking about small and minute things in life which make me happy but which we often forget about. At that juncture of time, I wrote one article per week and was pretty much content with that volume.

Then we were hit by the tsunami called 'Shweta's atma' which suddenly rose into a die hard entrepreneur mode and we wanted to do much more with Stylewhack with all our focus on how to make it BIG! 

My real development started after this tsunami hit us where I started writing out of my comfort zone, taking up topics which were not at all my genre. I wasn't a success in a fortnight for sure. I still remember an article which I wrote on Anarkali dresses and it was a disaster. Me and Shweta have a hearty laugh even today thinking about that immature article!! But yes, I had this insatiable hunger to do well, to widen my horizons, to try something new, to challenge my comfort zone. And I did exactly that! I asked Shweta what more can I do, how else can I contribute other than writing and thus began the exciting ride at Stylewhack. 

I started as a Creative Writer and today I am the Executive Editor at Stylewhack, doing a lot more than I could have envisaged myself doing when I first joined Stylewhack. I edit, I come up with ideas, I am part of strategies, I brainstorm, I own and run individual projects and of course I write :) My personal growth at this startup has progressed in leaps and bounds making me capable enough to take on any challenges in the social media or writing world head on. My husband today says that I can cook up a story if I am given just 2 words ;)

Another major influential factor in my growth was the people I met through this startup. The team is a close knit family where we laugh, cry and swear together. Every individual is unique bringing something new to the table. I also came in contact with different people because of my work at Stylewhack - sometimes interviewing them, sometimes making cover stories on them and sometimes just researching them to come up with some solid stories. The Social Spotlight section is one such section, for which I met people who are selflessly making a difference to the society. I also got to be associated with some celebrities and I made a huge deal about it, publicizing it within my close friend circle and family ;) 

Saying all this, I still can't digest the fact that I have not met my team in person as yet. My team met this month sometime back and it is then I realized how much all of them mean to me and how much I want to be there with them. But till USCIS decides to grant us our visa extension, I think I will have to be happy with watching them from here for the time being!

The wild, crazy, mad gang of Stylewhack. Many of the faces are still missing in the pic!

Stylewhack is at a very promising stage today, growing exponentially and spreading some unheard stories. We still have a long way to go, to transform our venture into the dream destination we have been waiting always. But I am sure, we will reach there one day.....soon.

I cannot emphasize enough the bright sides of working in a startup. It gives you the adrenaline rush you don't experience in an organized set up where there are defined processes. And if you have a boss like mine who lets you do anything, then there is nothing more you can ask for ;)

This mug gifted to me by my boss which traveled from Mangalore to Pune to Denver and then to me in Palm Beach Gardens, sits right in front of me on my work desk. As I work on my laptop completing umpteen number of tasks each single day, the mug reminds me the love and respect I am showered at, at this start up!

PS - Check out the venture at - http://stylewhack.com/ 

or follow us on FB at https://www.facebook.com/stylewhack/

Questioning my Faith

I have always believed that I am God's blessed child. I had it quite easy as compared to my sister or my husband. I got things the first time without much of an effort. Even during the worst of times, I always had something to look upto and smile.

There have been times when I should have questioned my faith, but I haven't.

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Most of my sister's and mine growing years, our mother was ill and bedridden. I think for almost a decade, she was up and down in her health graph. All those school years, my dad did everything for us. He cooked, he bathed us, he made us ready for school, he dropped us to school and then picked us up along with making a living for us. 

I was young then, yet to form the strong beliefs of faith. But even then, I never once thought that 'why is this happening to us?' My sister and me were good kids even then, though the home situation wasn't favorable for us. We were good in academics and also never ever created any nuisance.

My mom was recovering and then the Harshad Mehta scam hit us! My dad used to trade quite a bit in the stock market then and all our savings came crashing down due to one scam which shook the entire economy. Since then, life was difficult. But not impossible. Amidst the small pockets, I completed my education. I did my MBA in Human Resources, started working and things started getting better.

In all those years, I never questioned faith. Yes, there was a problem. But in that economic crisis also, God made sure that money came in when it was needed the most. Unlike my sister, who had to start working earlier to finance her later education.

These two are the only drastic situations where I should have questioned my faith and asked God, "Why me?" But I didn't. I didn't because inspite of the adversaries, I still was content. 

I started praying not to get something from Him. But to bow down to a supreme force and just feel it's supremacy. To feel content that I am being watched by someone up there. To know that I am in good hands.

But last week something hit me and I have been shattered since then. I don't even have the courage to spell out what happened but yes, it still haunts me. It crushed that strong cushion of faith around me, it made me doubt my beliefs, it made me question my faith. That why God, why with me? I have been torn apart and struggling to resurrect my faith, but with no success.

I was crying incoherently and sobbing to my husband asking why is HE being so cruel? Why is HE being so unfair? And you know what my husband said to me? 

What about the rest of the 100 things HE has done good for you? 

These words from a guy who has never got anything in his life easy. My husband has struggled always. He never gets anything that he aspires in the first go. A lot of struggle, a lot of delays and then maybe he gets what he wants. This person, this person who has struggled always was asking me this crucial question.

I was numb and pondered on what he said to me. 

Is my faith so frugal that a small blow shatters it down. Am I so vulnerable, that a disappointment makes me doubt my own faith. Are my prayers so weak that an adversary can cut through them? Am I so selfish, that I forgot all the other things HE did for me?

He kept our family together even after the shortcomings, He made us stronger and tougher, He gave me a job in 2008 and did not let me get fired when the economy was in shambles and I saw 25 employees getting fired in front of me, He gave me a husband who is a gem of a person, He gave me a new family who love me as their daughter, He gave me a job within a month after shifting to Chennai while my friend had to wait for 1.5 years to get back to work after relocating post marriage, He made my sister and me independant enough that we can take care of our parents, He gave me a chance to come to a foreign land and spread inspiration through my writing, He gave me a smile which rarely wilts, He gave me an outlook to tear down every adversary into pieces and find a optimistic ray of hope within, He gave me Faith to which I can hold tightly even in the worst times.

Yes, He gave me all that and much more. 

That one question made me stand up again. He just has not given me one thing and I am making such a big racket down here, cursing Him and blaming Him. My faith resurrects as I remember the 100 other things He did for me!

My faith is intact and maybe, maybe one day He will give me what he just snatched from me last week! Even if He doesn't, my faith is strong enough to face the truth heads up and restart.

Why I am an introvert!

Yes, you heard it right! I am an introvert, though the people around who don't know me well will think I am full of attitude as I don't mingle and people might think I have a smug face! Well, to people and their perceptions!!!

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I am an introvert because I do not like a large group of people around me. It makes me claustrophobic. It makes me conscious that each one of them is judging me and that too judging me in the wrong way. A herd makes me extremely uncomfortable.

Second reason of me being away from all the social life is I like to keep my circle small with good people. I hate drama, I hate cheap gossip, I hate people talking at your backs, I hate petty fights which are turned into world wars, I hate the constant nagging to keep up with the group, I hate to fake smile, I hate to be pulled down by jealous people. When your social circle is big, all these things tend to happen no matter what and you cannot control. 

I am happy in my very small world with my husband, my family back home, a few good friends, my writing, my books, Toastmasters and currently my exhilarating stint at Stylewhack. I like being in my own cocoon and letting only the treasured ones inside that cocoon.

I love being in the warmth of my home with my loved ones doing something which I like instead of attending a party hosted by someone whom I don't even know that well. 

The other day I watched the local cricket tournament which happens in my Community! I was there because I love to watch my husband play. I have been watching him play since our dating days - Infosys football, Cognizant football, US football and now cricket. He is a different person on the field, I love to see the transition between normal Sujoy and sportsman Sujoy. Oops! Sorry, I got a little carried away with my love for Sujoy and his sports! So getting back to the point, I had gone to watch the cricket match and and I was the only one female in the audience for most of the tournament time! And it was liberating!

I love to see him dribble!!

Not that I didn't enjoy the last time I was there with a bunch of women, but this time it was different and I could enjoy every bit of the match swearing without thinking of the audience around. I did not deter for a moment also that what will everyone think that I have come all alone to watch the matches. I think that is what being an introvert means - being happy to be alone in a crowd and being in their own world!

But my closer circle knows how talkative I am, how caring I am, how positive I am, how pissed I get at certain things, how I love watching cartoon movies, how I get engrossed in books, how I get excited about Toastmasters, how I love writing, how I am obsessed with certain things!!!!! And I think that is what matters - my beloved people knowing me, rather than a bunch of unknown people trying to gauge me!

Me and My Happy World

Bottom line is - I love being an introvert and don't think I am going to change this any sooner!

8 Days into Forgiveness

As you all know my word for 2016 is Forgiveness. And as I am practising this virtue in my day to day life, I just thought about sharing my journey so far.

Has it been easy? 

- Definitely not! 

Am I liking it? 

-Sometimes yes, but sometimes I feel like ripping off the contact with a certain person rather than forgiving. 

Do I think I will be able to continue with this charade of pretending to forgive? 

Definitely No!

Come on, it is just 8 days into this new word and I think I am doing better as compared to what I envisioned. Just a few days ago I came across this poster from Sun Gazing and it explains my sentiments so aptly - 

I started with my forgiveness spree by getting in touch with everyone whom I had deliberately cut off from my life due to reasons which could not be forgiven. It was the most difficult step to take as it brought back all those memories of betrayal, insult, hatred and animosity. Getting back in touch with them and behaving nothing ever happened was an insurmountable mountain which I am still struggling to conquer. But what has kept me on track is giving the benefit of doubt that those human beings might also have evolved and changed since I knew them last.

Then there are some folks whom I just cannot come to forgive. At least not at this point of time. I am leaving them off my forgiveness radar at least for the time being.

What I have realized is someone admitting their mistake and saying 'Sorry' makes forgiving a little easier. Maybe. I have never found it difficult to admit my mistakes and say sorry to the person who was hurt because of my actions. I have done it every time without having any ego issues. But for some, saying 'sorry' is also a humongous ask. And it makes my life hell to forgive someone who isn't even apologetic of their actions.

But as I am inculcating forgiveness in my life, I have started believing that getting rid of that rancid hatred feeling is elevating. I am feeling liberated to some extent by taking these baby steps. Why to hold on to one small incident in life and break up all ties with a person? Why not to give benefit of doubt to someone? Why to hold on a grudge all life long? Why not forgive and move on?

These Whys seem simple on the outset but the way I figure out the answers to those Whys will determine the kind of human being I am. I am staying put on this mission of 'Forgiveness'.

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