Breaking Free

Sara Maria was sipping on her iced vodka glancing at the 23 folks sitting with her on this huge table at this award winning Spanish restaurant in the uber areas of never sleeping Mumbai. It was a party to celebrate her (or rather their) latest conquest at work - An ad campaign that brought laurels and not to mention a lot of affluence to the corporate. She should be happy but there was a tinge of bitterness to this success. It was not exactly portrayed as her solo success, as her boss took most of the limelight and that was hurting. Given a choice, she would have loved to quit and start working on that novel which was ripening now in her mind. But alas, she was stuck here!

She wanted to go home, but going to that shit hole called home was also not very beckoning. Hence she sat there, staring at drunk faces and letting the vodka drown all their banter.

It was easier to slip in some other times. When life was carefree and pure. Sara Maria, initially Sara George was from Goa. Her childhood was joyous like any other catholic kid with God worshiping parents and an affluent home to take care of all her needs. She was the only child and highly pampered.

While munching on the Spanish Poached Lobster with Roasted Red Pepper Salt, she sneaked into her childhood. She used to love sea food. Freshly caught fish, prepared in coconut curry accompanied by bountiful of rice. She used to hate vegetables. Her mom used to put small prawns pieces in the vegetables to make her eat the veggies. But Sara would pick only the prawns and eat, leaving all the vegetables untouched in her plate. Putting her mother's stupendous efforts all in vain!

She reminisced the beach days when she and her cousins used to run behind the small crabs on the sand with always being defeated by the F1 running crabs. The oily fish fry which they used to hog at the stalls. And the innumerable sand fights to decide who will eat the best piece of the fish at the dinner table. The ultimate pleasure about the beach was the feeling of the sea when you first immerse your feet into its vastness. 

She felt the same sensation now and was revoked from her memory lane. A colleague had spilled water on her feet! She went to the rest room to clean up the mess but in reality to take a break from all the chaos.

In the rest room, tears filled her eyes when she remembered the day her dad passed away by an untimely attack and how everything changed for her alongwith her name. She started putting her mother's name as her surname to respect all the sacrifices her mother did to get her here! That was the turning point in her life.  She was a very happy child till then. However to avoid all the pitying eyes around she became more of a rebel. Se preferred people hating her, despising her rather than be looked with sympathy. The pampered girl broke out and became a fiercely aggressive independent woman at a very small age.

Just then someone entered the rest room. And to her surprise it was her classmate from the MBA college in Pune. They exchanged pleasantries, gave an update on current jobs, exchanged nos. and decided to be in touch (which we know happens so rarely). That small exchange of words made Sara maneuver into her college days when learning was so much fun.

Sara was one girl who came with an extra dose of attitude. Her MBA days were no exception to this trait. She spoke with just a bunch of folks and liked to keep her circle closed. Staying away from home with folks from diverse places was an overwhelming experience over all.

She recalled the funny nicknames they had kept for the professors at her MBA school. 'Spitting Snail' for the Prof who would shower all the students sitting on the first benches with his spit. 'Smelly Cat' for the Prof who seemed to be deprived of water and soap at his home. 'Chikni Chameli' for this uber hot Economics Prof. 'Kungfu Panda' for the Accounts Prof who was fat as an elephant but thought himself to be the fittest person. And very own Puneri 'Dada Kondke' for the Prof using alcohol smelling deodorant. You need to be a Maharshtrian or stayed in Maharashtra for considerable time to understand this!

Her friends were a crazy cluster. Theirs was this 6 people freaking group of 3 girls and 3 guys and strangely none of them ended up marrying each other. She was still in touch with each one of them. They did some really nasty things. There was this guy who used to add 'the' in front of every noun. And her freinds used to talk with him in the same way, "So did you go to THE Appa Balwant Chowk today to buy THE strategic management book written by THE Michael Porter". Sorry Mr. Porter, but yes they did that!

She loved Pune and always will. Though Pune lacked the beach, it covered up for it with the awesome weather, unlimited eateries, nearby hill stations and best of all the social life! She walked through Vaishali entrance waiting there for 20 minutes to get a seat every time she went there. The SBDP and idli sambar was just plain splendid. 

MG Road and its candidness always was refreshing. The walking plaza on Saturdays was fun with no vehicles around. MG Road visit inevitably ended up into hogging George Biryani, Rotisserie Chicken and Mutton Salli.

The shopping sprees were innumerable and never ending. Be it Hong Kong Lane (and you thought it is in Japan), FC Road, Laxmi Road or even Camp. The places were so many fitting into everyone's budget.

The phone rang and Sara was awakened from her Pune trip. Her colleagues were calling her, apparently it was time to go home. Something she dreaded doing these days.

Sara drove to her apartment. A 3 bedroom posh apartment in the niche area of BKC. She was in a live in relationship with her 5 year old relationship bf. It was past 1 am and the lights were still on. She wanted him to be asleep and not get into an argument yet again at this ghostly hour.

She was tired of being the man in the relationship. She was the one behind him to change his shitty job, paying all the bills, running errands, arranging all the holidays etc. And after all this, he was not ready to settle. She wanted to be married, settle like her other friends and snuggle into the happiness of having a home with your loving husband. Their arguments would be mostly on this and lately the drift had increased.

And yet she could not call it a day and break off with him. Post her dad passing away, he was the only one whom she had got so close to. She thought this was her only gateway to a joyous married life. And hence letting go off was getting difficult or rather did not seem plausible.

She entered the apartment to see no one in the hall, just lights dimming with shadows all around. She couched into the sofa. She put on her favourite musical - Breaking Free, one which both of them enjoyed and used to sing in chorus.

Troy:
We’re soarin’, flyin’
There’s not a star in heaven
That we can’t reach

Gabriella:
If we’re trying
So we’re breaking free

Troy:
You know the world can see us
In a way that’s different than who we are

Gabriella:
Creating space between us
‘Til we’re separate hearts

Both:
But your faith it gives me strength
Strength to believe

Troy:
We’re breakin’ free
Gabriella:
We’re soarin’
Troy:
Flyin’
Both:
There’s not a star in heaven
That we can’t reach
Troy:
If we’re trying
Both:
Yeah, we’re breaking free
Troy:
Oh, we’re breakin’ free
Gabriella:
Ohhhh
Troy:
Can you feel it building
Like a wave the ocean just can’t control
Gabriella:
Connected by a feeling
Ohhh, in our very souls
Both:
Rising ‘til it lifts us up
So every one can see

Troy: We’re breakin’ free
Gabriella: We’re soarin’
Troy: Flyin’
Both:
There’s not a star in heaven
That we can’t reach
Troy:
If we’re trying
Yeah we’re breaking free
Gabriella:
Ohhhh runnin’
Troy:
Climbin’
To get to that place
Both:
To be all that we can be
Troy:
Now’s the time
Both:
So we’re breaking free
Troy:
We’re breaking free
Gabriella:
Ohhh , yeah

Troy:
More than hope
More than faith
Gabriella:
This is true
This is fate
And together

Both:
We see it comin’
Troy:
More than you
More than me

Gabriella:
Not a want, but a need
Both:
Both of us breakin’ free

Gabriella: Soarin’
Troy: Flyin’
Both:
There’s not a star in heaven
That we can’t reach
If we’re trying
Troy: Yeah we’re breaking free
Gabriella:
Breaking free
Were runnin’
Troy:
Ohhhh, climbin’
Both:
To get to the place
To be all that we can be
Now’s the time
Troy: Now’s the time
Gabriella: So we’re breaking free
Troy: Ohhh, we’re breaking free
Gabriella: Ohhhh

Both:
You know the world can see us
In a way that’s different than who we are

And listening to this she slept off on the sofa.

The day began with a phone call at 7.30 am. It was her mother calling just after the church visit. Her mom muttered, "Sara, your childhood friend Dennis is setting up a small publishing office here and he wants you to come back to us and write that novel you always wanted to publish". 

That was her point of breaking free alone and not with her bf. Her avenue to break free of limelight hogging boss, her avenue of breaking free of a dependant bf, her avenue of breaking free of the daily chores and do what she loved and be where she loved to be. It was her chance......

The clock struck 8.00 am, and her daily alarm started ringing. Did she snooze and got back to her daily life or did she get up and got going to achieve what she always wanted?

Amrikan Dreams

So, as it turns out I completed a year in Amrika today! :) Though my husband would argue with me that out of those 12 months, 2 months I was in India and how technically it is not a year in Amrika and blah blah blah. These engineers I tell you ;) Never the less keeping my husband's blabbering aside, I still consider a year in Amrika!

Oh...this year has been phenomenal with highs and lows. I still remember the day I landed in Florida. After 27 hours of journey, what I wanted was home food and a bed to sleep. That is it! After picking up my 2 heaviest bags, I walk out of the airport. And OMG.....I suddenly feel I am in Chennai again. What I had heard of USA is it is a cold country. For a moment I thought, did I fly into a wrong destination. But then saw my husband and was like ok, it is not exactly a wrong destination. It seems we were meant to be tortured with hot and humid weather in USA also. 

Although today I thank God for Florida as I do not have to hibernate in my home for 6-8 months of the year when it snows in rest of the US. Phew!

The initial days were difficult. Leaving a job you love and being at home is a haunting experience. First 2 months were horrible with tantrums and crying. Every day I thought I am wasting precious days of my promising career. To top it all, I was homesick. I had been home for 3 months before coming here. So the contrast was killing. No one to talk to and nothing worthwhile to do. 

And then it happened! I was speaking to my ex colleague cum good friend and it dawned upon me that people are ready to exchange places with me right now. With no outlook calendars or mailboxes configured on the mobile, this is the time of life when I should do what I have been wanting to do always but never could due to 'busy' days at work. I got the purpose of my life.

I started with an attempt to give the SPHR certification and started studying for the same. Invested 6 months of my stay here in studying, learning US labour laws and back to HR Management concepts and application. The result of the exam is another story, will have to write a new blog for it :P

So post the exam refocused my energies on the love of my life - writing. I am glad to be back to writing. After 5 years I went back to full fledged writing and poetry. Did a few online courses in creative writing and now thinking of doing some advance courses. Writing has kept me sane down here. It feels great to pen down your thoughts and widen your imagination horizons. It is like scoring the only goal which makes you win the FIFA World Cup Final - the Gotze Goal (having a football freak husband makes certain traits rub off to you). 

If given a choice of going back to my job or being paid for writing a novel, the alternative I will take is pretty clear to me currently. Maybe one day, I will publish a story. Pray for me on that! :)

I get so much time that I gulp 800 pages books in 5 straight days. The library is my favourite hang out here. I have read 61 books in this year, from different genres. The library here is humongous and enormous. I just love walking around and smelling through all books - old and new. And this luxury completely free. The dream of looking at rain from your balcony, sitting on a chair with a cup of coffee and a great book - does not seem unrealistic at all! I have done it so many times.

USA has done wonders to my culinary skills ;) I have become a great cook. On this my sister and husband will say, stop praising yourself let others judge it. But still, I will self acclaim that I am a great cook now! ;)
So much so that my mom finds it difficult to believe that I prepare such varied dishes and not just basic rice and curry. Even after sending her pics of my food, she will ask me the recipe of it and sometimes I feel it is to cross check if I have really cooked that dish in the picture. One day, she confirmed with my husband if I really cook at home and if I am taking good care of him! It makes me wonder sometimes who is the Mother-in-law for me exactly! 

So going back to my culinary skills - I have picked up both cuisines: My husband's bengali cuisine and mine konkani cuisine. Plus there is maharasthrian, punjabi and chinese stuff also. Never in my life did I ever imagine I will be doing all this. This is all revenge time for Sujoy, for ignoring the kitchen completely while working in Chennai. Today he is a happy man atleast in regards to the food he gets!

I talk with folks back home and for longer durations after coming here. I yearn to talk to them instead of hanging up on them saying, "I am rushing into a meeting now, will call you later". And that later sometimes used to be after 2-3 days. Being jobless in a foreign country has taught me not to take your loved ones for granted. And as for the longer conversations....Come on, you should guess this by now! Narrating step wise detailed recipes with exact quantities on phone is definitely time consuming ;)

Being in US is therapeutic in certain ways. You walk on the roads carefree with no judging eyes or staring looks. Everybody minds their own business and that is such a relief. It is a reveling experience. I remember a time when I was wearing my husband's shirt after a beach visit and it was too long. I was roaming in that and no one even bothered to give me a second look. 

People over here will smile at you and greet you when you cross their path. They will greet you at stores also. That is a dose of freshness for you! And the quality of life here is as everyone knows pretty high. So ya there are boons of being here.

My travel has been amazing. Its a year, and we have already explored most of the places in Florida. Disney - checked, Universal - checked, Animal Safari -checked, Miami Zoo - checked, Key West - checked, NASA - checked, Everglades alligator farm - checked, Sanibel Island - checked, Sea Aquarium - checked. So yes, this year has been great on travelling aspect and I look forward to more of the expeditions :)

Certain ways in USA are different though. I remember going to a mithai shop here and asking to give half kg of burfi. And the shop keeper ridiculing me and asking, "Kg?" People measure in pound here.

The day I was going to India and I was flashing my Florida learner's driving licence everywhere as we do in India at the gate and all. I showed my licence to a porter and my husband was like, yes I know you have a driving licence but you don't have to flash it to anyone and everyone. In my defense, the porter was so smartly dressed that I thought he is some security official at the door ;)

I am amazed at the trust people have here. Fedex and UPS will leave packages at door step and no one will take it. There are free libraries and people return the books honestly. There are self check out counters in most shops which believe that the customer will bill all the items honestly. 

There is so much open land here and lesser population that USA can afford to have extensive malls spread horizontally than vertically with ample parking space. There are parks everywhere. Everything is well maintained and so clean.

So ya overall, this year has been great! And I am looking forward to another eventful year of Amrikan dreams! Folks back home already call me a firang. A firang who loves the Amrikan way of living but yet deep under she is still rooted to her family, her culture and her country :)

The Societal Ladder!

So you are 28 and still unmarried, or are you 32 and still doing your studies, or are you 31 plus 5 years being married and yet still do not have a kid or are you 35 years of age and have just one kid? 

All the above things just do not fit in the societal ladder of progression and are considered heinous sins. You guys are in some BIG trouble for that! Welcome to the world of 'The Societal Ladder'!

The societal ladder is regulated by what I call 'Nosy Ninjas', as they are ready with their combat to assault you with their nuclear weapon known as nosiness. Let us abbreviate them as NN! NNs come in all ages, sizes and shapes... they are omnipresent like God - might come across them while traveling, at a social event, at a personal event, even in a public rest room.....ya you got it... just anywhere. 

These NNs want to know it all - if you are not married then they want to know why are you still unmarried and when will that happen, if you are married then they want to know when will the kid arrive, if you have one kid they want to know when will the next kid arrive and if you have 2 kids then they want to know what are you planning for their future...so it is just that whatever stage of life you are in their quest for answers is unceasing.

And as I said they come in all ages. They can be of your own age, sometimes younger to you but majorly in the Aunty and Uncle age group. They present themselves as your benefactor and show they genuinely care for you but the real agenda is brutally regulating the society at your expense. They have a definitive societal ladder in their regime and they want everyone to follow it blindly - marriage at 25, first kid at 27 and then second kid at 29. Anything that is later than this plan sends chills to their plans and thus starts their regulation work.

They come up with some very soothing sentences like - 'Let the kid come, everything will fall in place'. I wonder sometimes if they mean everything will fall in place or everything will fall apart when they give such advice to a couple who are living separately - the wife pursuing her Ph. D and the husband working in a different city. How is the kid going to help them achieve their goals?

Another classic example - 'Get married and your problems will be resolved'. I often wonder who goes and tweets to them about our problems? If the problem is not getting promoted at workplace due to lack of a master's degree then how is marriage the solution? Oh now I understand, for them marriage is a whole new level of education and ya obviously it will add to the resume! 

And then - 'Let the second kid come, the first one will not be such a nuisance then'. Firstly how dare you call someone's kid a nuisance and secondly will the second kid come with some magical powers to soothe the firstborn? The kid is already alone with both parents working day and night to secure his/her future. They do not have enough time for one kid, from where will they manage time for the second. And why is it necessary to have this 'Hum do, hamare do' (we two and our two kids) in every family?

So the bottomline is you should just blindly follow their created ladder irrespective of where you stand in life, what you want from life and how you want to lead your life. That does not matter. Your motto in life should be get married at 25 and have two kids by the end of 3 years of marriage - Ola..mission accomplished!

So here is my message to all the NNs - Please mind your own business. Respect people's privacy and let them do what they want in life. Respect people having 2 kids as also couples deciding to not to have kids. It is their decision, you do not know what compelled them to take this decision nor do you know anyone's struggles. Please take a step back and let people live the way they want and not according to some military time table! Stop messing around and poking your nose in everyone's affairs! 

So the next time any Nosy Ninja messes around with you, just direct them to this blog  ;)
And the next time when someone asks me so when is the good news coming, here is my answer: The good news is already here - I just started caring even lesser about Nosy Ninjas :P